Coming soon….

Julie, not her real name of course, showed up at the office door in tears.  Her thinning hair, wrinkled face, her stooped over posture and cold trembling hand shake, were a testament to the terror of the experience she was about to share with me – the experience she was enduring – at home.

Yesterday, late in the afternoon, Julie called my office.  I could barely make out what she was saying through her deep, wracking sobs.  I managed to understand she had been referred by a friend of hers, a client.  Her friend said “If anyone can help you it’s Bob.”  It was clear this was something that needed immediate attention.  I cleared my schedule and asked her to come over very first thing in the morning.  I emailed her driving directions and sent out a silent prayer that she would show up the next day – unharmed.

Julie’s story, although specific to her, was one I often hear.  She was living with a man who was a product of the old ‘male dominant’ consciousness of marriage.  That paradigm holds that a woman is there to ‘obey’ her husband, as some classical wedding vows proclaim.  Julie was living under the heavy hand of a man who believed she was his property, his chattel and he could do with her as he chose.

Amidst tears and sobs, Julie shared with me her medical history.  Extreme anxiety, chronic depression, stomach ulcer, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, abject fear of her husband’s anger and rage and most recently, a diagnosis of cancer.  Being the only treatment option she was offered, Julie elected to do ‘the big three’…surgery, radiation and chemotherapy. Her hair had fallen out, she often lost control of her bowels and her emotions and she only had one wish…she wished she could die.

As we dove into the work, Julie began to realize there was a ‘her’ deep inside that she had never really known.  She was raised in a family with both mother and father addicted to alcohol. She often felt abandoned, rejected, with no control in her life and driven to do whatever her parents said so she wouldn’t get punished. In that first session she discovered she chose a married life that would replicate her early life with her parents.  Why? Because deep down inside she believed that was ‘normal’.

We continued our work together. Each session Julie became stronger, more resilient and more determined to live her life in joy. Several time she offered her husband that she would pay for any kind of counseling for their marriage he would attend. He consistently refused. Finally, with guidance and support she was able to see staying in the extreme stress of that relationship was killing her.  With no other conscious option, Julie left that marriage. She was sad that the marriage did not work despite her doing everything reasonable to work things our with her husband. In that clarity she carried no guilt or shame and gracefully moved forward.

With great clarity now, Julie no longer in that marriage, lives a joyous life in clarity, truth and freedom.  Julie thrives in a life where every day is filled with love and the joy of living fully and free.